Bare snippets of trek notes

3/5/08
This is the third day of trekking and we are at about 3200 meters. It is getting colder and colder, but the views are spectacular. I feel like I've snapped into "trekker mind" today; the climbing is easier to bear and slowly the noise in my head is quieting. Yesterday there were a few points where I thought I would go mad from the irrelevant daydreams and memories. ...
One lovely thing about the mountains is that they teach every lesson. Impermanence, effort, instinct, attention, motion...big words that mean nothing without a practical experience. They are real in the moment of seeing, of witnessing my own helplessness; then a sudden moment of clarity, where everything shifts and something else takes control of my senses. I have seen the mountains breathing and thought that my mind simply cannot support the magnitude of this.

3/7/08
Instead of the triumphant experience I anticipated, this trek is showing me all of my weaknesses and I am plunging into a rather morose state of mind. Anyway, the trek from Chhomrong to Himalaya was quite hard but nothing compared to yesterday, going to Macchapucchare Base Camp. We trekked from tropical climate to the snow and ice-laden mountains, out of the hills for sure, up and down, ascend and descend. We crossed a river, hiked through a bamboo forest, passed through a waterfall, explored the Hinku Cave...great views of the increasingly bright and snowy landscape. The jungle was thick but the air was cold, and after descending we hiked through a foot and a half of snow for an hour across the river to avoid an avalanche. The sight was phenomenal as the valley opened up, but the trek uphill hadn't even begun.
Supposedly Chhomrong to HH was the longest day, but by far this was the roughest climb. And going back will be no easier because of the seesawing up and down; what goes up, must come down. Today we are at ABC but it's so cloudy that I can't see anything. Yesterday afternoon we climbed along the high ridge behind MBC and I got to sit in the clouds...we are at 4200 meters.

I'm dying to shower but there's no hot water, and even if there was, my head would freeze. I admit that at this point (day 6) I feel a little petulant and ready to just go home. Dreams featuring my apartment (especially my bed) have featured prominently the last two nights. Despite the intense disappointment I feel with myself, I see that the period before I go home can be very different than the last couple of months.

3/8/08
We began the trek back today. Despite not sleeping again and having the same restless mind, I feel much better--maybe because, as Vivek said, when you descend from the highest point you always are full of energy and enthusiasm. We're already in Bamboo, and the way down was impressively steep. My sense of achievement at reaching ABC is increased in retrospect...I didn't realize how much we had climbed overall, let alone in one day.

But perhaps my sunny disposition is actually due to a far more mundane cause--I got to take a shower upon arrival in Dovan. It was one of the greatest pleasures of my life. Being without the ability to wash myself for almost a week sounds like a trivial deprivation, but it is not. I was in such rapture in the shower that I nearly turned into one of those grossly inappropriate Herbal Essences commercials. I feel like myself again, and last night I was beginning to feel like an alien in my skin, unable to feel awe, wonder, pride, or even recognition of what was around me, let alone myself.

Now I really know how the cleansing and purifying power of water and heat can so magnificently enliven the human body...and mind. I feel so much more prepared to greet the next few days and seize this experience, to make it into something else. Later I should think more about the remarkable effects of temperature and "the elements" on my health and state of mind. If ever there was a perfect opportunity to see this in action, it is a trek.